Getting A Man-Cub to Bed in 25 Simple Steps

  1. Dim the lights to help baby realize it is nighttime.
  2. Wrestle baby into pajamas. 
  3. Realize you forgot to change baby’s diaper.
  4. Take pajamas off.
  5. Wrestle baby out of old diaper.
  6. Chase naked baby.
  7. Distract baby with toy.
  8. Put clean diaper on distracted baby.
  9. Put pajamas back on baby.
  10. Brush baby’s teeth.
  11. Use the brush to distract baby while sneaking in vitamins.
  12. Take the toothbrush away from baby.
  13. Console baby.
  14. Coax baby into nursery with books.
  15. Read every board book you own.
  16. Re-read every board book you own.
  17. Begin singing.
  18. Baby realizes that this means bedtime.
  19. Baby cries.
  20. Pray that baby will sleep well tonight.
  21. Rock baby.
  22. Once baby is calm, put him gently in his crib.
  23. Walk out as baby screams.
  24. Wait several minutes.
  25. Send spouse in to calm baby.
*Note: I’ve opted to skip a bath at bedtime because I already have enough steps to go through, and my man-cub gets way too excited when he bathes.