How to Help Your Baby Establish a Good Nap Routine

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Hello again! I haven’t been as consistent about my posts- oops! This has been a crazy year for my family. I’m hoping the arrival of our 3rd baby next month brings us much-needed joy, peace, and excitement.

Remember how I promised you that I would be writing a series of posts dedicated to sleep training? Well I have not forgotten! Here is the second post!

Just as a reminder, these sleep training posts are based on principles from the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, by Marc Weissbluth, MD.

“Sleep begets sleep!”

There’s often a common misconception or belief that if a parent puts a baby down later at night, or waits longer to put them down for a nap, the baby will sleep better. The truth is, which Dr. Weissbluth stresses in his book, sleep begets sleep! The better a baby sleeps, the more and better he sleeps. The best example of this is in the way naps are done.

Naps are EXTREMELY important. Not only do they help a baby feel well during the day, they set the baby up for good, restful sleep at night. Weissbluth teaches how to help a baby nap well. These principles should be taken seriously when a baby is 3-4 months old. Hopefully, good sleep habits are already being established the first 4 months of life (see the first post in this series), but even if your baby has bad habits (or has been colicky) the 3-4 month age is a great time to start. These principles all go under the idea that as parents, we need to “protect the naps”.

Naps at 3-4 months old

• Nap rhythms begin at 3-4 months old

Pay attention to your baby’s sleep cues and natural rhythms. What does she do when she’s getting drowsy? When does her body naturally want to fall asleep in the morning? What about in the evening? How long does she stay asleep when put down for a nap?

• Baby has a harder time sleeping anywhere- likely will need a quiet, dark environment

Newborns can oftentimes sleep anywhere- in the moving car, while on a walk, at the grocery store, etc. But at this age, it’s getting harder for a baby to be able to sleep with this much flexibility. Do everything you can to go with this change! This is a good thing! It means that your baby is ready or is getting ready for more consistent sleep routines and schedules.

The concept of “protecting the nap” is tested here. Give your baby the opportunity, each naptime if you’re able, to sleep in a dark, quiet environment. It can be socially isolating to have a strict nap schedule. But I can tell you from experience that it is truly LIBERATING to have a baby who naps well! Even though a lot of your day is spent putting the baby to sleep and keeping the house a conducive environment for those naps, it is so worth it to have a baby that is well-rested and content!

• Goal is to have deep day sleep (long periods of it)

Again, deep sleep during the day (naps) is conducive for deep sleep at night.

• “‘Catch the wave’ of developing drowsiness and synchronize their soothing to a drowsy-but-awake state… before it crashes into a second wind.” page 147

This was talked about in the last post in this series. It is important that your baby learns how to soothe himself to sleep. You still don’t need to let the baby cry it out, but if he doesn’t have any self-soothing abilities yet, it may be okay to let the baby cry for a few minutes after you lay him down- then go in and rub his head and softly talk to him. If he is crying hard, pick him up and try the routine again. At this young age, it’s still okay if baby falls asleep in someone’s arms and is then laid down to sleep. But you should be trying to encourage the “put down drowsy-but-awake” concept.

• Midmorning nap (typically starts around 9:00 am) becomes more regular before the midday nap (typically starts between 12:00 and 2:00 pm)
• Another nap or 2 naps happen in late afternoon or early evening
• It’s okay for first 2 naps to be brief at first; between 4-6 months old they get longer and more predictable (each is 1-2 hours long)
• Often there is a late afternoon nap that doesn’t happen every day and is usually shorter than the first 2 naps
• You can combine being more strict with one of the naps (like the midmorning nap) with being flexible with the other naps (“flexible” meaning going off of sleep cues and “strict” meaning going off the clock)

Early Bedtime at 6 weeks old

Weissbluth explains that at around 6 weeks old, infants need to start being put down early for their bedtime. They aren’t going to be sleeping through the night yet, but their bodies need an early bedtime.

• Last nap starts between 4:00 and 5:00 pm.
• Bedtime 30-90 minutes after last nap ends
• Put him to sleep drowsy but awake
• If he cries hard, pick him up right away or let him cry for just a few minutes

Prevention versus treatment

For typical babies (not colicky), prevention of sleep problems includes:

• Starting early to teach self-soothing
• Utilizing many hands (involve dad and others)
• Putting baby down drowsy but awake
• Providing opportunity for many naps
• Feeding only when hungry at night
• Having bedtime routines
• Starting early bedtime around 6 weeks of age
• Protecting naps around 3-4 months

Other notes

• Correcting sleep problems can involve more crying it out (improvement in sleep patterns often brings rapid improvement in child)
• Patience and reasonable consistency can do wonders and bring a well- rested baby and family
• The more resources you have in the first 4 months, the more likely your baby is to sleep well the first 4 months and prevent sleep problems after 4 months old
• It’s okay and normal for baby to get overtired sometimes, despite parents’ best efforts. Stick to the overall plan and keep trying! Help your baby learn to self-soothe.
• For colicky babies, first 4 months require more parent soothing and this isn’t parents’ fault. After 4 months old, colicky baby should start to be able to learn how to independently fall and stay asleep. This is when to start teaching self- soothing skills.

Interesting studies

Weissbluth discusses some interesting research that’s been done on infant sleep and maternal attitudes/feelings. Here are some notes on these results:

• Factor most strongly associated with babies not sleeping through the night at 5 months old: Feeding after awakening, even when the baby isn’t hungry.
• Factor most strongly associated with babies not sleeping through the night at 17 and 29 months: “Parental presence until sleep onset”
• “Mothers with elevated depressive symptoms and worries about infant nighttime needs were more likely… to be hyperresponsive to nondistressed infant vocalizations, to pick up and nurse the infants even when it appeared that the infants were not in need of nursing, to go to their soundly sleeping infants and move them from their cribs to the parents’ bed to sleep (and in the process, wake their infant up), and to poorly structure bedtimes that in turn led to prolonged infant wakefulness.” p. 157
• “We suspect that mothers who worry excessively about their infants’ well- being at night may be motivated to seek out and intervene with their infants, regardless of whether the infants require intervention or not, in order to alleviate mothers’ anxieties about whether their infants are hungry, thirsty, uncomfortable, and so on.” p. 158
• “We suspect that mothers with elevated depressive symptoms may be motivated to spend time with their infant at night in order to satisfy mothers’ emotional needs.” p. 158
• This is called “dysfunctional cognition”- incorrectly believing that their nondistressed infants need their attention and feeding, even if they had just eaten — this dysfunctional cognition is associated with depressive symptoms in mothers.
• It’s okay to delay feedings when baby wakes at night, “in order to dissociate waking from feeding”. You can do this gradually, by using diaper changes or gently touching in order to delay the feeding. This doesn’t involve leaving baby to cry. You can start doing this at 3 weeks old, with a healthy baby that’s putting on weight normally. This doesn’t mean ignoring your baby’s hunger cues; it simply means learning what cues are actually hunger, and slowly teaching baby that they only need to eat at night when they are actually hungry.
• Recognizing issues (like maternal depression) can help family set up a game plan and get professional help if needed

I hope this helps! Happy sleeping! 🙂

How to Gently Sleep Train Your Baby

Sleep Chart from Precious Little Sleep

https://www.preciouslittlesleep.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/Sleep-By-Age.pdf

*This post contains affiliate links.

This whole post uses principles and ideas from the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, by Marc Weissbluth, M.D.

My family’s sleep training journey started when my first baby was about 2 months old. The first two months of his life were a tad bit stressful. I struggled with breastfeeding, he was fussy, and he slept only in certain, very specific conditions. Things began improving after we discovered that our baby wasn’t gaining enough weight and we started supplementing with formula. Once the baby started actually feeling consistently full, he was like a different baby! He very quickly started chunking up, and he even started smiling more!

Once we tackled the eating thing and finally got into a groove with that, my husband and I were given some advice from family members about sleep training. We had learned a little bit about this before our baby was born, but we didn’t know many specifics or how to do it exactly. We borrowed the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child from family members. This book changed our lives!

 

First, I want to get the definition of “sleep training” straight: To “sleep train” means to teach a baby how to “self-sooth”. Dr. Weissbluth (the author of the book) explains that overtime, the concept of sleep training has gotten a bad rap as many people associate with just letting a baby “cry it out”. Crying it out CAN be a part of sleep training, but it depends on the needs of the baby and the parents. And if parents do decide to use crying it out as part of their sleep training method, Dr. Weissbluth gives a step-by-step guide on how to do it gently and effectively.

I’m getting ahead of myself! This post is the first in a series of sleep training posts I will be writing over the next few weeks. One of the reasons I’m writing these is so that I can learn and relearn sleep training principles before my new baby gets here later this year. 🙂 But I have actually wanted to write about sleep training in depth for quite some time, so I figured now is the perfect time!

I don’t plan on writing much about my own experiences. I’ll probably throw some personal experiences in here and there, but these posts will be focused on sleep training principles from the Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child book.

One more thing before we start diving into the actual steps of sleep training: Why is sleep training even a thing? Why has Dr. Weissbluth dedicated so much of his life to studying baby and kid sleep, and why is it all so important?

When a baby is well rested, he or she is better able to learn, grow, and develop. And when a baby is well rested and happy, his or her whole family is better rested and happier! A new baby changes everything in a family dynamic; this can be for the worse if everyone in the home is sleep deprived. Just as sleep deprivation affects an adult’s well-being, sleep deprivation also affects a baby’s well-being.

 

*Note: The principles I’m going to write about are based on the assumption that a baby is NOT colicky. According to the book, about 20% of babies are colicky. So if you do have a colicky baby, these principles can apply to your situation, but they may need to be modified. I highly recommend getting the book for yourself so you can read Dr. Weissbluth’s advice and guidelines for sleep training colicky babies.

 

So without further ado, here are the first steps of sleep training your baby!

 

Step 1: Start right when you bring your baby home from the hospital. (Newborn-4 Months)

In order to establish healthy sleep practices right off the bat, it’s a good idea to start as soon as you bring your baby home. This isn’t an intense sleep training time; it’s simply a time to get healthy practices and habits slowly in place so that your baby is more easily able to self-soothe when he or she is a few months old. Here are things to do during this time:

-Practice laying baby down

It is so fun to snuggle with a newborn! But so as to not create a habit that makes it hard for baby to fall asleep anywhere but on your chest, practice laying baby down in his or her own bed. Dr. Weissbluth suggests that parents try, once a day, laying their baby down drowsy but still awake. Again, this doesn’t have to be intense or strict. Newborns cannot be spoiled! If your baby cries after you lay him down, pick him up and soothe him.

I love this baby rocker! It’s a great place for newborns to sleep, in my experience- especially during the day when everyone else in the house is awake.

-Let different people besides Mom lay baby down

Moms tend to have a unique reaction to their baby’s cry; and a baby’s unique connection to its mom can make it difficult for a baby to self-soothe when it knows Mom is nearby. It’s a good idea for Dad to soothe baby to sleep and lay baby down to sleep. Helping baby become adjusted to different caregivers’ soothing methods and cuddling (as opposed to becoming used to ONLY Mom’s way of soothing) can help baby eventually learn to self-soothe.

Step 2: Learn your baby’s cues and start establishing routines

-Respect the 1-2 hour wake cycle

Most babies are drowsy the first few days of life. But as a baby gets bigger, she will spend more and more time awake. The book explains that young infants have a 1-2 hour wakefulness cycle. (This won’t always be exact, but it’s an estimate.) Be prepared to start calming things down with your baby after she has been awake for 1-2 hours, or when she starts getting drowsy. During the time of wakefulness, spend time interacting with your baby, as this is the time she is most likely to be interactive and social.

-Learn your baby’s drowsy cues

Common drowsy signs:

1. Decreased activity/less animated
2. Eyes less focused on surroundings
3. Drooping eyelids
4. Pulling ears
5. Slower motions/less vocal
6. Less interested in toys and people
7. Sucking is weaker or slower
8. Yawning

When you start noticing your baby making these signs, start getting ready for her to nap. This can lead into the bedtime routine, which can include:

-Bedtime routine suggestions

1. Reduce stimulation (less noise, less playing, less lighting)
2. Quiet, dark room
3. Bath
4. Massage after bath
5. Jammies/sleep clothes on
6. Swaddle, if this relaxes your baby
7. Sing lullaby
8. Rock
9. Cuddle
10. Feed (but do not rush to feed again at first sound baby makes after you lay him down)
11. Attempt to lay baby down while drowsy but still awake (but don’t deliberately awaken him if he falls asleep before you lay him down- just go ahead and try laying him down when he’s already asleep and see if he’ll stay asleep)
12. Read books
13. Quietly play

*Be consistent with your bedtime routine. It’s okay if you and your partner have different routines from each other because babies can adjust to this. But keep a consistent routine for yourself when you’re putting the baby down.

I also want to add that you don’t necessarily need to do the whole bedtime routine each time your baby takes a nap, especially when they are less than 4 months old and should still be sleeping several times per day. What I do with my babies is have a shorter, simpler calm-down routine during the day for naps, then the more official bedtime routine at night when it’s time to go down for the night. (Obviously, your baby usually won’t be going “down for the night” until he’s at least a few months old, but you can still start to help him distinguish his days from his nights if you do the more involved bedtime routine at night.)

-If your baby cries hard when you lay him down to sleep, keep trying to soothe him.

When your baby is a newborn, you do NOT need to let him cry it out. At this age, you are just trying to establish some good, early sleep habits, so don’t stress too much about making sure baby can independently sleep.

-Past drowsy cues (“Short on Sleep Distress Signs”)

As you get to know your baby and his personality more and more, and as you pay attention to his natural sleep rhythms, you may start to notice the signs he gives when he is becoming OVERTIRED. When babies get to this overtired state, it is harder for them to fall asleep and it is harder for them to soothe themselves. Here are some common “past drowsy” cues:

1. Fussiness, irritability
2. Crying when he wakes up (meaning he didn’t get enough sleep)
3. Rubbing eyes

 

I hope these steps and principles help you in your journey with your baby! Stay tuned for the next phase soon! 🙂

 

How to do Quiet Time When Your Kid is Done With Naps

 

You know that awkward transition when your toddler doesn’t really need naps anymore, but can’t quite make it through the whole day without sleep? But if they take an actual nap they end up being super cranky? My oldest son recently went through this transitional period. He’s 4, and I think we’re pretty much out of it now. For about a year, from about 2 1/2 to 3 1/2 years old, naps were so-so. We would still lie him down for a nap in the afternoon, and he would usually sleep at least 1 hour. But there were days he wouldn’t sleep, but instead tried to come out of his room or just played in his room during nap time. Once he was about 3 1/2, we decided it was time to be done with naps, for the most part. When he did take naps, he would wake up grumpy, confused, and disoriented. And then he would fall asleep way later at night then he normally does. No fun! So we decided to have quiet time instead of nap time.

We got this idea from one of my husband’s family members, and when we saw it in action we thought it was brilliant! Until a kid goes to school full time during the day, he or she has quiet time at the same time they had nap time when they were younger.

In our family, these are the quiet time rules:

1. No talking to Mommy and Daddy (this is a very necessary part of quiet time, since my oldest talks nonstop 😉 )
2. Child must stay in his or her own separate part of the house (That way it’s easier to be quiet and play independently. This one may change a little as we have more kids who do quiet time; I can see it working out where two siblings have quiet time together while younger siblings nap.)
3. Quiet time is screen-free time

And that’s it! Some days it’s easy and my son plays happily with his toys. Some days he’s not in an independent mood and I have to remind him 50 times that “it’s quiet time” and that he can’t talk to me. (The fact that I tell my kid he can’t talk to me a couple hours out of the day may seem harsh to some, but if you have an extremely social kid like I do, you probably understand my reasoning. Let’s just say it’s mostly to keep my sanity in tact!)

We try to have quiet time every day, at the same time that my youngest is napping. It’s a great time for me to get stuff done, take a nap myself, exercise on the treadmill, etc. It is also a fabulous way for my son to get some time to play independently, use his imagination, and play with the toys he usually ignores. 😉

 

What does your family do when your littles transition away from naps?

 

The Best Resources for Sleep Training

*This post contains affiliate links.

Let’s talk SLEEP. Baby sleep. Do you believe that babies and kids naturally learn how to get into a good sleep routine on their own? Or do you believe that they have to be taught good sleep habits? I’m in the second camp! Although some babies sleep well more easily while others have sleep issues, I believe it is important for parents to do as much as possible to teach and encourage good sleep habits in their babies.

My FAVORITE sleep book is Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, 4th Edition: A Step-by-Step Program for a Good Night’s Sleep. Oh my goodness, this book has been a lifesaver for my family! I love that it teaches the principle that babies, siblings, and parents are all healthier and happier when the BABY is getting good sleep. The book covers so many different stages and possible concerns/issues a baby or family might experience. I cannot recommend this book enough!

My other favorite resource for sleep training is this chart, which I print out and stick on my fridge: https://www.preciouslittlesleep.com/baby-sleep-what-is-normal/ (scroll down a little, and the chart is there. (I checked, and I don’t know if there’s a simple Print or Download button anymore for the chart, but you may be able to copy and paste it to a document, or just copy it by hand.)

That’s it! These two things are my go-to sleep training guides. If you have any sleep training questions or if you just want to make sure your baby or child is on track, I highly suggest checking these out!

Again, here’s the book:

 

Getting A Man-Cub to Bed in 25 Simple Steps

1. Dim the lights to help baby realize it is nighttime.
2. Wrestle baby into pajamas. 
3. Realize you forgot to change baby’s diaper.
4. Take pajamas off.
5. Wrestle baby out of old diaper.
6. Chase naked baby.
7. Distract baby with toy.
8. Put clean diaper on distracted baby.
9. Put pajamas back on baby.
10. Brush baby’s teeth.
11. Use the brush to distract baby while sneaking in vitamins.
12. Take the toothbrush away from baby.
13. Console baby.
14. Coax baby into nursery with books.
15. Read every board book you own.
16. Re-read every board book you own.
17. Begin singing.
18. Baby realizes that this means bedtime.
19. Baby cries.
20. Pray that baby will sleep well tonight.
21. Rock baby.
22. Once baby is calm, put him gently in his crib.
23. Walk out as baby screams.
24. Wait several minutes.
25. Send spouse in to calm baby.

*Note: I’ve opted to skip a bath at bedtime because I already have enough steps to go through, and my man-cub gets way too excited when he bathes.