The 5 Stages of Picking a Baby Name

Are you and your partner struggling to agree on a baby name? Here are some tips for trying to decide:

Stage One: Write a list.

I’m guessing it won’t be too hard to come up with names, but if you need inspiration, you can always look at your family history, re-read your favorite book, or spend days reading through online baby name websites.

Stage Two: Compare.

Do you have any names that are the same? If so, you’re in luck- move on to Stage Three! If not, swap lists and strike out all the names you absolutely can’t live with. This hopefully should leave you with a short list of names that you can think about. If you’ve struck out all of the names, go back to Stage One.

Stage Three: Test.

Using your short list, ask yourself the following questions: How does this name sound with my last name? How could someone make fun of my child using rhymes or variations of this name? Do the initials spell anything awkward? How will people mispronounce the name?

Stage Four: Decide!

This can be the longest stage. You may brainstorm early on in the pregnancy and wait until baby comes out to decide on which name to use. Or maybe after testing you and your spouse decide right away.

Stage Five: To Announce in Advance or Not?

There are pros and cons to announcing the baby’s name in advance. If you announce in advance, your kids (if you have any) can practice using the name and it makes the baby seem more real to them. Grandparents may want to get a personalized gift with baby’s name, and this gives them a chance to do that before baby is born. Drawbacks to announcing early are that you will get a lot of unsolicited advice about why that name is awful and you should change your mind. If you just announce after the baby is born, it’s usually too late and people are more likely to hold their tongues.

How did you choose your baby’s name?

Can your house be tidy with kids?

I recently read an article, “5 Things People with Tidy Homes Don’t Do.” As a self-proclaimed tidy person, I found the article’s insights intriguing. Some of them applied to me while others didn’t. For example, the author points out that “Tidy People are in a constant state of low-grade tidying.” This is definitely true for me. As I move from room to room in our house, I try to make sure that I take things with me that are out of place. For example, if there is a toy in the bathroom, I take it with me after I’m done and bring it to the right room. As I pick up throughout the day, it makes the mess more manageable.

As kids are naturally messy, it can be hard to teach them to be tidy. And honestly, you may have to lower your standards a bit for the sake of free play and creativity. However, you can have a tidy house (or at least certain rooms that are tidy) even if you have kids. Here are some things we do in our house to keep it tidy:

First, we have an organization system in place that we constantly maintain. Whether it’s toy storage in the playroom, cloth bins underneath the sinks, or baskets in our closets, we try to make sure that there is a place for everything that we need. This helps us keep things organized but out of sight. For instance, we have cloth bins under our sinks to hold extra towels and cleaning supplies. In our main hall closet, we have over a dozen baskets that hold travel toiletries, office supplies, and electronics. Because everything is already subdivided, and we make sure to maintain the system, we are able to stay more tidy. A great book to teach kids about staying tidy is The Berenstain Bears and the Messy Room.

Second, we emphasize chores. If you’re looking for ways to motivate your toddler to do chores, you can check out this post. Or if your are looking for printable to remind you of the most essential chores to do daily, weekly, and monthly, you can read this post. Currently, our three year old has the following weekly chores that he is expected to do every Saturday morning before he is allowed to watch cartoons: wipe down kitchen chairs and the lower parts of kitchen appliances, pick up toys in the playroom so daddy can vacuum, wipe down the toilet seats in both bathrooms, and wipe down the floor in his bathroom. It’s so important to make man-cubs clean up after themselves in the bathrooms, especially when they are still working on their aim. Our son also helps me clean the inside of the toilets by spraying them with a vinegar and water solution. The key to chores is consistency. We’ve spent countless Saturdays battling with our son to complete his chores, but the payoff has been worth it. Since we stuck to our guns, his complaints have gone down significantly. He also sees that mommy and daddy do their Saturday chores at the same time, so it’s a family effort. A great book that talks about what happens when chores go undone is The Berenstain Bears and the Trouble with Chores.

Third, we make exceptions. The playroom is my biggest exception. I let my son keep out a few “projects” for several days without making him clean them up. These are things he is currently building that he wants to continue the next day. I know there are certain toy sets he will end up dumping out almost every day, so it doesn’t make as much sense to have him clean them up at night only for them to be out again in the morning. So I’ve shifted my focus and only have him put everything up a few times a week. I also keep the toy clutter under control through toy rotation. Toy rotation limits the amount of toys your child has access to. Although your child has less toys available at a time, they are more likely to play with those toys since that’s all they’ve got. All other toys are in storage and can be rotated in (while taking others out) every few months.

While you may have to make some exceptions, by maintaining an organization system and emphasizing chores, it is possible to keep a tidy house with kids!

No-Drama Discipline: Book Review

If you think I read a lot of parenting books, you’re probably right. It’s because I don’t know what I’m doing. And I need help. This last month the issue has been time-outs. Specifically how time-outs haven’t been that effective. But what other options are there? No-Drama Discipline has a few suggestions I’m going to try out.

But first off, it’s important to distinguish what makes No-Drama Discipline different from other discipline techniques. The goal of No-Drama Discipline is to teach children how make better choices and understand their emotions. It focuses on strengthening the relationship between the parent and child through the following principles: 1) when children are upset and throwing a fit, that’s when they need us most. 2) sometimes we need to wait until children are ready to learn, 3) the way we help them be ready to learn is by connecting with them.

What I liked about this book was that it focused on the needs of the individual child and offered flexible techniques to help discipline your child. I appreciated that the authors were realistic in their expectations that parents won’t be able to put these techniques into practice all of the time. I especially appreciated a section in the back titled, “When a Parenting Expert Loses It.” In that sense, I think the book should have been named, “Less Dramatic Discipline.”

Another thing I liked about the book was all of the visuals they included. A lot of them were cartoon scenarios of a parent disciplining a child in different ways. This really helped me understand what the authors were trying to get across.

My favorite quote from the book was: “Our kids don’t usually lash out at us because they’re simply, rude, or because we’re failures as parents. They usually lash out because they don’t yet have the capacity to regulate their emotional states and control their impulses…When children are securely attached to their parents, they feel safe enough to test that relationship. In other words, your child’s misbehavior is often a sign of his trust and safety with you.” A lot of times, I view my child’s tantrums as a sign of my failure as a parent, but this quote helped me realize that it is more a sign of the trust he has in our relationship.

What I wish the book had emphasized more is tools for parents when they feel they are going to lose it. Too often the book emphasized a parent immediately being able to empathetically rush to their children’s side. But honestly a lot of situations that call for this are ones in which I too am feeling out of control and angry. So if you are looking for ways to address that issue, I would recommend this article: What Helped Me Be A Calm Mom.

Right before I wrote this article, my son had a huge meltdown. He refused to do the things he needed to in order to go to bed. Here are how some of the techniques I tried from the book: First, I recognized that he was extremely tired. Second, I did my best to hold him (loving physical tough is highly encouraged in the book). Third, I would mirror what he said. (Ex: “You want me to play cars with you.”) Even though I didn’t commit to doing whatever he said, he at least felt heard. You know what happened? He continued to scream and cry and be unreasonable. For over 30 minutes.

The thing about No-Drama Discipline is that it isn’t a magic wand. They even say this in their conclusion! The good news is that I was at least able to feel calmer while I was trying to discipline my son. And eventually, he did calm down. Through another technique called, “getting creative.”

I remembered a book we had read months ago entitled, “Little Monkey Calms Down,” by Michael Dahl. Using my son’s stuffed monkey, I walked through some of the steps in the book, which include laying down, holding something soft, and taking deep breaths. And it finally worked! My son was able to concentrate as I used the monkey to walk him through the steps. We practiced deep breathing for a while after that. Then we were finally able to talk about how he had been feeling angry, and how next time he can take deep breaths to calm down.

We’ve still had our fair share of tantrums, but I’m hoping that the techniques from this book will be more effective than just a time-out.

The Nighttime Rule

It was a stupid argument, really. He was mad that I was repeating things. I was mad that he wasn’t responding. It was 2am and we had both gotten two hours of sleep. Our little man-cub was to blame. He had decided that he wouldn’t sleep from 7pm- midnight and then he would wake up every two hours after that.

My husband and I had both gotten to the point where we were snapping at each other every time we heard our man-cub cry. And it was all due to lack of sleep. I was too tired to realize I would repeat things, and he was too tired to bother responding. We would have the same type of argument every night. So one morning (after we had both gotten enough sleep to be coherent) we set The Nighttime Rule: anything we said at night, we wouldn’t take offense from and we didn’t have to apologize for in the morning.

And it worked. We still snapped at each other at night, but we each knew that the other person didn’t really mean it–it was the sleep deprivation talking. So instead of having a round of apologies in the morning for saying things we didn’t remember saying, instead we just focused on the fact that we survived the night, and we still loved each other.